The time it took for me to recover inbetween chemotherapy sessions, gradually increased. After my forth cycle which resulted in a hospital admission, my energy levels were far too low to contemplate going on another camping adventure. I had been in hospital for four nights, the longest Rory and I had ever been apart. We needed some special time together. I was always so worried about how my treatment would effect my son’s emotional development so I tried to make our limited time together fun. I was so focused on building memories for him incase anything happened to me, that I lost sight of the fact that all Rory needed was me. Us together, and we didn’t need to go anywhere for that.
I came across the concept of ‘love bombing’ through a Gentle Parenting group I was involved with. A method that would reset my little boy’s ’emotional thermostat’ by the offering of ‘unlimited love and control’.
I explained to Rory the next morning that the day was all about him. We could do whatever he wanted. Go wherever he wanted. Eat when and what he wanted. He just kept hugging me! My phone was switched off and put in the cupboard with my computer. No distractions. My son would have my undivided attention.
The first thing he wanted to do was pull out the sofa bed, make it all nice and comfy with a big duvet and his cuddly toys and have a picnic breakfast. We got party plates and made everything look special. I asked if he wanted to go anywhere but he just wanted to stay at home all day in just his pants!
I noticed everything about my little boy that day. He was and still is a joy to be around. The hugs came so frequently, he just wanted our skin to skin contact again. We played games, watched movies, made cakes and took a bath together. There was lots of laughing!
Our lives had been unexpectedly turned upside down but on this day all of my worries and fears came to a stand still. My son needed me. All of me. We reconnected on a much deeper level . He knew how much I loved him!
The next day I felt as though I needed to leave the house. The days following my chemotherapy sessions were spent in a little bedroom too unwell to move or do anything. I wanted to go somewhere before I became a house prisoner again. I didn’t want to travel too far or do anything too energy consuming. So following on from our ‘love bombing’ experience, I booked us into a Premier Inn Hotel at Cribs Causeway in Bristol. Rory hadn’t stayed in a hotel before. He called it “the purple moon hotel”.
He couldn’t believe we had a TV in our room! He became obsessed with putting the key card in and out of the electricity box. It was like a disco in our room with the lights on and off! He had 3 baths! My little boy was so exited to be there. We put the music on loud and jumped on the bed, laughing at each others crazy dancing! I took us around the corner for dinner at Frankie and Bennies and savoured the moment. My boy and I. An amazing little team.
To this day when I ask Rory what he would like to do, he either says “stay at home on the sofa bed” or “go to the purple moon hotel”!
He had very little control when I was poorly, always needing to do what others told him to do. We have had so many ‘love bombing’ times where he has just been lavished with love and attention, where he has completely taken over the decision making. I’m sure these times have helped Rory to be the confident and secure little treasure he is today!